Possibilities
by YourTimeIsNow
Summary: One night changes everything between Elliot and Olivia.
1. Chapter 1

He glanced inconspicuously across his desk at his partner. She was staring blankly at her computer, scrolling with her mouse and sighing softly every so often. Anyone who didn't know her well would simply think she was tired, maybe a little bored. The "tired" part was true enough, but Elliot knew there was more lingering behind those sighs, behind those sad eyes. They'd been partners a long time and, while the reason for Olivia's sadness was fairly obvious, the rest of her story was only revealed to those who knew her, those who loved her. Elliot knew he fell into that category.

* * *

Olivia stared at the computer but didn't take in a damn thing on the screen. Her ability to concentrate had gone out the window about three days prior, when he'd been ripped from her arms. She could still hear him calling her name.

"Olivia! Please don't let them take me! Olivia! Olivia!"

There was nothing she could do. Nothing but watch her heart shatter all over the floor. It had happened before and she'd gotten used to picking up the pieces. But this time was different. It wasn't that she didn't have the strength to do it; she knew she was strong, she had to be in her line of work. She just didn't have the desire.

She'd come so close. So close to having what she'd always wanted: a child. In spite of everything he'd been through, Calvin had a beautiful soul. She could see it. She wanted so badly to nurture it. To erase everything he'd been through, to show him the love he deserved.

"Liv?" A voice broke through the heaviness in her head. It startled her. And she realized that her face was wet. She touched a single hand to her cheek and closed her eyes. She never allowed herself to cry, at least not publicly. She knew that her partner had seen tears in her eyes before, but she never let them spill over. She was always careful not to.

She was surprised at how quickly she became frustrated. She pushed her chair out and hurried angrily from the room.

* * *

Elliot watched her leave, wordlessly, furiously. He knew she was angry with herself for letting him see her cry. She had no idea he'd seen her cry before. Perhaps the tears had never fallen, but he'd seen her soul cry. And right now, her soul was weeping, despairing harder than he'd ever seen.

He debated whether or not to follow her. He waited, waited for her to return. He realized that he'd spent their entire partnership waiting for her. She was right in front of him, every day, and yet he waited. Waited until she told him that it was okay.

Everything became quiet. Everyone went home. Before he knew it, Elliot was one of the few who remained. And Olivia still hadn't returned. He had no idea how long he'd been sitting there, lost in his own thoughts. But he knew that he had to go find her.

He pushed his chair back, stood and stretched the kinks out of his back. He walked to the locker room, opened the door and called her name. "Liv?"

No answer.

He was puzzled for a moment and then knew just where she was. He walked upstairs and opened the door to the cribs. It was so dark, but he could make out her form huddled on one of the beds. Her shoulders shook just slightly and he wondered if she'd been crying this whole time. She was going to have one hell of a headache if she had.

"Olivia." The searching in his voice was gone.

She cleared her voice. "Leave me alone, El."

He hesitated a moment. He was never sure how to proceed with her and it frustrated the hell out of him. Their relationship had always hung on the edge of a knife. Was it strictly professional? Rarely. Friendly? Usually.

Romantic?

It went so far beyond romance. It was a complete understanding of the other person's inner workings. When they were interrogating a suspect, they never had the "good cop, bad cop" discussion. They always knew the role the other would play and fell easily into step beside each other. They knew each other's secrets, they knew each other's habits, they knew each other's weaknesses.

But Elliot was married. And taking the relationship beyond professional was never an option, even if that's what he wanted. He found himself constantly suppressing the urge to touch her, to place his hand on her shoulder, to touch his fingertips to the small of her back, to brush the hair from her eyes. But he could never make himself cross those boundaries.

He knew everything there was to know about her and he knew that, despite her strength, she was fragile, breakable. If he touched her, he was afraid she'd shatter.

* * *

She heard the door close and breathed a sigh of relief. For once, he'd listened to her. She allowed the tears to fall again.

Until she heard bedsprings. It stopped her cold. She didn't dare turn over, not the streaks on her face. She couldn't let him see her like this. She didn't want him to know she wasn't as strong as she'd made him believe.

"Liv, it's okay," his husky voice cut through the silence.

She sat up quickly, her back toward him, and wiped the wetness from her cheeks. She cleared her throat again and went to stand. Her head spun and she stumbled. He stood quickly and caught her elbow. The skin on skin contact made her shudder inwardly. She didn't think he'd be up here with her when she'd removed her jacket. She sat back down on the cot and pulled her elbow in close to her.

"I'm fine, El," she said before he could ask her what was wrong. He already knew the answer to that question and she couldn't take the sound of his voice.

"I should get home," she started to stand again, somehow finding the energy to move. She didn't know why she should get home. There was no one there anyway. Just leftover Chinese food, a glass of merlot and the oppressive silence that crushed her, breaking her bones and making it impossible to breathe.

Elliot stood to counter her and said, "No, you should stay and talk to me."

She couldn't even look at him, how could she possibly talk to him? Without Calvin, everything was a struggle. She'd lost so much when he was ripped from her arms. And on top of it all, she had to get up every day and come to work with Elliot, a man who had always been her safety, her comfort. Everything was different now.


	2. Chapter 2

He couldn't let her leave. He wouldn't let her leave. Not until she talked to him. He knew it was hard. He had no idea how he would handle it if one of his children was taken from him. And he knew that Olivia had loved that boy like her own, even though he'd warned her against it.

She began to put on her jacket. He let her. Even though he knew he wouldn't let her leave, it was safer with her in that jacket; he couldn't see so much of her soft olive skin and it was easier for him to keep his hands to himself.

She made a move to get past him and her took her by the arms. "Olivia." He needed to see her eyes. "Olivia." Her name was like a prayer in his mouth.

She was so close to him. He could smell her shampoo. Rosemary. Mint. Her perfume. Bergamot. Pomegranate. Amber. He'd never allowed himself to get this close. She was an assault on his senses. If he were a lesser man, he'd kiss her right now. If he were a lesser man, he'd forget about his wife, just like she had forgotten about him. If he were a lesser man, he'd give in. He'd fought long enough.

"El," she said, so softly. She wouldn't meet his eyes. "Let me by. Please."

"I can't," he spoke honestly. He lead her to a cot. "Sit." He guided her down softly, then sat on the cot across from her. Their knees bumped every so often and Elliot smiled inwardly. Little innocent touches made him feel connected to her, made him feel less guilty. "Talk." He knew he was being curt, but he wanted her to do the talking.

"El," she breathed. "I can't. I can't talk about it."

"Why not?"

"Because… if I do, I'll… I'll…"

"Snap," he finished her sentence for her.

She breathed, almost relieved that he understood. "Yes."

"Liv," he began. "I know how hard this must be for you…"

"No you don't," she snapped, then paused to check herself. "You have five beautiful children and a wife who loves you." He did not meet her eyes as she said this; he hadn't deliberately mislead her, but he hadn't given her all the information. She had no idea. "You don't know what it's like. To be alone, to feel that weight on you and to have no comfort, no relief from it." Olivia stood and crossed the room, away from Elliot. "I can't breathe Elliot. I can't breathe without him." She fought the tears. Fought them hard. "He was doing so well. He made my life so… good." She breathed deeply and stayed facing the wall, afraid to show him her weakness. "He was so fun. My apartment had life in it. He left crap everywhere: clothes, shoes, school books, video games. And I didn't mind the mess at all. I'd give anything to have it back."

Elliot looked at the ground. She was breaking open. She'd never talked this much about her life. Not at one time anyway. He'd had to put the pieces together over time. But this openness was so new to him. He wasn't quite sure how to handle it. Which is why what she did next changed everything for him.

She turned, her cheeks stained with tears and her eyes watery. Her arms were wide, palms up, so open to him. And then she spoke.

"I just miss him so much."

* * *

Elliot crossed the room so fast, she had barely registered it before she was in his arms. He'd never held her before, especially not like this. She tensed, every nerve in her body a live wire. She tried so hard to fight it, so hard to not feel. But she was tired and she soon found herself relaxing, closing her eyes and allowing Elliot to comfort her. She felt his arms wrapped so tightly around her, willing her to give in, letting her rest against him, telling her that he would be her support.

She had no idea how long they stayed like that. Seconds, minutes, hours. It didn't matter. She felt him, she allowed him in. She'd kept herself wound up for so long, it felt good to finally… unwind. And she couldn't imagine another person opening her. Elliot had peeled away her layers for years with his strong, yet delicate fingers. He'd chipped away at the walls she always managed to throw up. He was the one person she trusted… with her life. It's what made him a good partner.

Partner. Her partner.

This fact registered and her eyes opened. She had to keep some boundaries with him. There were some layers she couldn't allow him to work away. The layers that protected her from feeling too much for him were too important to keep up.

She started to pull away and his arms slipped from her shoulders, down her arms. She felt his arms knead the muscles in her biceps and she looked up at him. Warm coffee staring into cool water.

Before she knew it, his lips crushed down on hers and she lost her breath. So much for boundaries.

* * *

Elliot couldn't help himself. She was too open, too vulnerable, he couldn't take it. He had to feel her, comfort her, help her. Olivia very rarely needed saving, but saving her was his job. It was his responsibility.

He didn't remember moving to a cot, but he heard the bedsprings and he felt her under him. He couldn't stop kissing her. If he stopped even for a moment, he would think and his Catholic guilt would kick in and he would stop. And he didn't want to stop. Dammit, he didn't want to stop.

He pushed her camisole up and began to count her ribs, feeling her stomach muscles flex under his fingers. He moved his hand to her face and felt the dampness of her tears. She had not stopped crying, she would never stop feeling. Neither would he. He felt everything she did. It made him a good partner. He was always aware of her. He was aware of how she wrapped herself around him. Of how she felt beneath him. He was aware of how she felt like coming home.

* * *

He was all over her, overwhelming her, breathing new life into her. She felt his mouth on hers, she felt his tongue parting her lips, opening her up. He always knew how to open her up, even when she fought him. But she wouldn't fight him this time. She knew it was wrong. But if Elliot was wrong, she didn't want to be right.

He felt his hand up her shirt and smiled genuinely for the first time in a long time. The stubble on his chin rubbed roughly against her skin, the one harsh sensation in the midst of heaven. Elliot was kind and when his hand moved to unbutton her jeans, she didn't stop him.

Boldly, she moved her hands to the waistband of his slacks and pulled his blue button-down shirt up, sliding her hands up his chiseled chest. She heard him let out a groan and felt desire course through her veins. She hastily loosened his belt, unbuttoned his pants and slid his zipper quickly down. And then he was inside her. Just like that. And she felt full. Sweet perfection.

He moved with her, his hardened edges complementing her soft curves like two puzzle pieces. He rocked into her, making her moan into his mouth. Neither of them opened their eyes, afraid a dose of reality would pull them back down to earth.

It didn't take long. She knew it had been a while for her, but she began to wonder about the state of Elliot's marriage. He came in a matter of minutes, his orgasm triggering her own. That had never happened for her before. He softened within her and they breathed hard against each other. The smell of sweat and sex hung heavy in the air.

Olivia opened her eyes and found his eyes already open, boring into her, tearing her apart. Her breathing stopped entirely and she panicked. She pushed him off her and stood quickly, buttoning her jeans and straightening her camisole. She straightened her hair and smoothed her jacket, and she heard Elliot move on the cot behind her.

"Liv," he whispered.

She stopped, but wouldn't face him. Couldn't face him. She heard him stand and compose himself. She heard him approach her and felt his hands slide down her arms, his breath in her ear, on her neck. "Liv."

She shuddered and closed her eyes.

No. She couldn't get swept away. He was _married_. And before she knew it, she became "the other woman."

"Liv…" His nose pressed into her hair and she pinched back a sob. She couldn't have him. He was married. And she was incapable of getting close to anyone.

Anyone except Elliot.

But she refused to let herself believe he was different. He couldn't be. So she forced herself to do the hardest thing she'd ever had to. It took all the strength in the world to step forward and to keep walking. She felt a pull in her chest, threatening to haul her back into the safety of Elliot's arms. She couldn't let it happen.

She and Elliot were never a possibility.


	3. Chapter 3

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own SVU nor it's characters. The plot of this story is all mine.  
**

_A/N: Thank you for all the amazing reviews everyone! It adds fuel to the fire for me and I really appreciate it!__ I hope you enjoy Chapter 3!_

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* * *

**

He wanted to run after her. But he couldn't make his feet move; they felt like lead. His heart turned cold.

It was time to go home. He wondered if Kathy would smell the sex on him, wondered if she would know.

He drove mechanically out of the city and into Queens, pulling up in front of the home he shared with his wife and five children. He struggled to get out of the car and make his way up the front steps. He could feel how tired he was as he slipped the key into the door and turned. He threw his weight into the door and it opened easily.

Kathy didn't even look up from her book as he entered. "Hey," she called halfheartedly.

Elliot didn't answer. He simply made his way through his living room and up the stairs.

"Tough case today?" Kathy called after him.

He paused on the stairs. In truth, yes. Olivia was the case he had yet to crack; he couldn't get through to her, no matter how hard he tried.

"Just tired," he said and continued up the stairs to the shower. He stayed there, letting the water course over his body, washing away all evidence of Olivia. The water went cold and he turned it off, the handles squeaking as he did so.

His senses were alive, he felt and heard everything around him. The fibers of the towel, how soft they felt against him. The coolness of the bathroom tile beneath his feet. The smell of the simple soap he used. He had to get her scent out of his nose. He didn't want to smell bergamot, amber, mint. He couldn't take her surrounding him anymore. Not the way she had abandoned him like that.

But she was right. He did have a wife and children and a home. And had she stayed, he would have had to leave her eventually, come back to them. But he couldn't erase what had happened any more than he could fix what was broken in Olivia. He didn't know what to do.

He exited the bathroom and found Kathy in bed, asleep. He couldn't bear the thought of crawling in next to her. Not because he felt guilty, but because she wasn't Olivia. It wasn't right without Olivia. He made his way downstairs to the couch and flipped on the television. He watched horrible late-night talk shows and old re-runs of _The Honeymooners_ and eventually drifted off into a dreamless sleep.

He woke to his cell phone ringing. "Stabler," he answered. The exhaustion in his voice was so evident; sleep had done nothing to erase the tiredness he felt.

"Elliot." It was the Captain's voice.

"Cap."

"Get in here right now. We have a problem."

Elliot sat bolt upright. "What is it?"

"It's Olivia."

His heart began to race. "What about Olivia?"

"She's gone."

Elliot couldn't breathe. Seconds seemed like hours, days. His blood slowed, moved like sludge through his veins. His chest felt tight. The muscles in his arms tensed so hard it felt like they would burst right through his skin.

"I'm coming."

And he was out the door.

* * *

Olivia sat stoically in the back of the cab as it drove her to the airport. She had determined that if she let herself feel even a little bit, she would have to feel everything. And she couldn't do that. Not now. Maybe not ever. So numbness was her only option.

She knew she was a coward. She just couldn't face him. She couldn't bear looking into those blue eyes, knowing that they saw all of her. Elliot was more than just a one night stand, he was more than just sex.

She'd loved him almost from the moment she saw him and she knew he was off limits to her. At the beginning, she'd allowed herself to get close to him, but not too close. She appreciated him as a partner, the way he looked out for her like she looked out for him.

But then… Gitano. Everything changed after that. They'd both been faced with each other's deaths and they both realized they couldn't take it. Olivia ran after that.

Just like she was running now.

She'd gotten home last night to her dark, empty, too-quiet apartment. And after standing in her kitchen for a moment, pouring herself a glass of wine and imagining walking into the precinct tomorrow morning, she realized that she couldn't do it.

So she'd made the call that set the course of her life.

Chicago sex crimes was looking for a new detective. She had to leave Manhattan, she had to leave him. She'd packed what she could and canceled all her utilities. Maybe she'd rent out her apartment for a little extra cash, but for now, she'd just vacate. She'd vacate her life as best she could.

She'd been up most of the night looking for a place to rent in Chicago and booked a ticket on a one-way flight. Before she knew it, the sun was up and it was almost time to go.

But she had to tell the Captain first. So she did what cowards do. She wrote him a letter. She'd gone to the precinct in the early hours of the morning, her suitcase trailing behind her, and slid the envelope under his door. Then she'd left before anyone had a chance to see her.

Now here she was. Realizing the full weight of her decisions. Feeling sick to her stomach and missing Elliot and Calvin more than she could bear. She was truly all alone.

And it was all her fault.

* * *

"What do you mean, she's gone?" Elliot burst into the Captain's office without knocking for the first time in his career.

"I mean she's gone, Elliot," Captain Cragen said calmly, holding a piece of paper out to him.

Elliot stared at it for a moment. There was no way she'd do this, just slink off in the middle of the night leaving nothing behind her but a note and a memory that Elliot would treasure as long as he lived. He took the paper from Cragen's hand and began to read.

_Dear Cap,_

_I'm sorry to do this to you, but I need to leave the city. Please understand, I can't tell you where I'm going or why. Just know that I'm not in any danger or trouble. I know I'm leaving you a detective short, but it can't be helped. I need to be responsible for my own decisions and for my own life. You have to know that I will miss you and everyone in Manhattan SVU. There's no place like home._

_Please tell Elliot I'm sorry._

_Liv_

That was it. She mentioned him once. _Please tell Elliot I'm sorry_. Damn you and your apologies, Olivia. This was unacceptable.

Elliot immediately went into cop mode. Olivia built walls, while Elliot hid behind his job. It was his only defense. "She had to leave a trail behind her. I'm going to track her credit card, see if she made any purchases with it. Airline tickets, gasoline, whatever. I'm going to find her."

"Elliot," the Captain's voice stopped him as he walked out the door. "She doesn't want to be found."

"But Cap, I can't just…"

"You need to let her go."

Elliot's stomach hit the floor. Let her go? How could he let her go? She was the only thing that grounded him to this Earth. She was the only thing that kept him going day after day. He didn't know how to be without her. The emptiness consumed him. It was so much worse than when Kathy had left him. This was utter devastation, like the aftermath of a tornado; he was quiet and calm and completely destroyed.

He made the slow walk back to his desk. He couldn't take this. Her chair was empty, her desk lamp was off. She would never sit there again. He walked around and took the picture off her desk. It was a picture of her and her mother. He wanted to throw it, to hear the glass break against the floor. As if it would hurt her, just like she had hurt him.

Instead he took it and placed it gently in his desk drawer, staring at it for a moment. He didn't want to let her go. He didn't want her out of his life. Last night was a turning point for him and he couldn't believe she'd abandon him this way.

He closed his eyes and sighed. There was no way in hell he was going to get any work done today. Silently, he slid the desk drawer shut.


	4. Chapter 4

**DISCLAIMER: SVU and it's characters aren't mine. But this story is. :)**

_A/N - I am absolutely overwhelmed at all of the positive reviews this story has received so far. Thank you all so much! I hope you like the next installment..._

_

* * *

_

"Elliot." His Captain's voice cut him to the quick. "A word."

Elliot sighed and stood up from his desk. His partner didn't even glance up at him as he walked away. Some asshole from Brooklyn special victims transferred in two months ago. A meager replacement for the best cop he'd ever worked with. Elliot walked into his Captain's office and shut the door. "Yeah Cap?" He didn't even notice the exhaustion in his voice now, it had become such a part of him.

Captain Cragen regarded him with what appeared to be a mixture of sympathy and irritation. "Listen Stabler, I know you've been living your own personal hell these last couple months."

That part was true enough. A week after Olivia had gone, Kathy had served him again with divorce papers. He supposed that walking around in a near-catatonic state for six days put the nail in the coffin for her. He didn't take his time signing them this time, touching the pen to the paper immediately after he had the documents in his hands. He'd moved out that weekend and into an apartment in Manhattan.

He missed his children. His job had kept him away from them for much of their lives; in a divorce, the only custody he'd get was one night a week and one weekend a month. He'd never see them. He supposed it was just as well. He felt like a shell of a human being anyway. He couldn't be a good father in his current state. He didn't fight her. He told his lawyer that Kathy wanted the best for their children and he understood.

"Stabler? Elliot?" Cragen's voice startled him.

"Yes, sorry Cap." He shook the thoughts from his head.

The Captain sighed, trying very hard to keep the frustration from his voice. "Listen Elliot… this funk you're in, it's affecting your job and the people around you. Your closure rate has dropped significantly since Ol…" Cragen stopped himself before he said her name, noticing the pain in Elliot's face. "Look, I think it's time you talked to Huang."

"I don't need to talk to a shrink, Cap," Elliot said defensively. He refused to believe that Olivia's disappearance… no, abandonment had affected him so profoundly.

"I think that you do. You've been a zombie, Elliot. You've been violent in interrogations, your partner has often found you difficult to work with. Hell, even Munch and Fin have come to me about your behavior."

Elliot glared out the window at his colleagues, wondering why they felt the need to go behind his back to the Captain about all this.

Cragen, as if reading Elliot's mind, responded with, "They're concerned for you, Elliot. They don't know what else to do."

Elliot looked at the floor, ashamedly. He sighed and said, "I'm sorry, Cap. I know I've been a prick."

Cragen came out from behind his desk and put his hand on Elliot's shoulder. "Listen, son," he began. Elliot's heart warmed slightly at this. No matter what had happened, how terrible he'd been, he knew he still had friends. "I know you miss her. We all do. She was the heart of this precinct, she kept us all going. But she was your partner. And partners come and go. This is something you're going to have to get over."

"It's not that easy, Cap," Elliot replied. If only he knew how deep his hurt ran, how Olivia had become so much more than his partner.

"I know it's not," Cragen stepped back, changing his position from _friend_ to _boss_. "But I'm going to need you to try."

Elliot sighed. "Yes sir." And with that, he swung the door open and walked back to his desk. His partner had a somewhat guarded look on his face, as if he'd known why Elliot had been called into Cragen's office in the first place. A sidelong glance at Munch and Fin revealed much the same. Elliot fought back the anger he felt and said, "So, where are with the Samson case?"

* * *

Olivia fought against the bile that rose in her throat as the medical examiner pulled back the sheet on her next victim. She was furious with herself; she'd never gotten physically ill over cases in Manhattan. Her partner looked at her curiously and she rolled her eyes, annoyed at his intrusiveness. She knelt down next to the body and began to examine the ligature marks on her wrists.

A wave of nausea passed over her once again and she ran from the scene. Fortunately, there was a dumpster nearby and Olivia made it there just in time, vomiting behind the large metal container. Her stomach heaved and she wretched for a second time, emptying the contents of her stomach onto the ground. "Oh god…" she groaned softly to herself.

"You okay, Benson?" Her partner's voice rose from behind her.

"Yeah, fine," she replied, wishing he would go away and leave her to her shame and nausea.

"Look, uh…" he paused. "Maybe you should take the day. I'll call the Captain and have him send Schaeffer down to help me with this one."

"I said I'm fine," Olivia snapped angrily.

"Benson," her partner snapped back. "Go home."

Olivia whipped her head around and glared at him. She held his eyes for a moment when another wave of nausea swept over her and she wretched for a third time. Damn her stomach, making a liar out of her. She heard her partner dial their precinct and tell their Captain to send a replacement, that Benson was sick and was leaving the scene to go straight home.

Olivia childishly stamped her foot and, wiping her mouth clean, stood upright and walked from the crime scene, not even bothering to tell her partner goodbye. She walked to the nearest L station and got on the line that took her to her apartment. She was afraid to go home, afraid of what waited there for her.

The train pulled into her station and she got off, slowly walking to her building. She took her time, enjoying the sunlight on her face. She felt better already despite being downright pissed that her partner had forced her to go home, as if he had the authority to tell her what to do. She hated him. In fact, she never even gave him a chance. He was nothing compared to…

She couldn't think his name. Instead, she circled her block twice, avoiding her apartment, not thinking of the little paper bag and its unholy contents that waited there for her. She talked herself down from her ledge. _You need to find out now, Olivia. It's probably just a bug. But you need to know._

She sighed and walked straight to her building, up the stairs and into her apartment. She paused at the door, taking her time removing her jacket and her shoes. She began the long walk, chickening out at the last minute and heading to her bedroom instead. She changed into a pair of sweatpants and a camisole, heading back out and down the hallway. She walked slowly to the kitchen and put on a pot of hot water for tea; it always helped calm her stomach. Finally, she took a deep breath and decided enough was enough.

Walking boldly into the bathroom, she opened her medicine cabinet and removed the crumpled paper bag. She dumped its contents into her hand and stared at it for a moment.

How could she do this? How could she have been so stupid?

She angrily tore the box open and followed all the instructions. Then she waited the longest two minutes of her life. She kept her eyes closed the entire time, her leg nervously keeping a fast rhythm against the floor. She heard the timer she'd set go off and opened her eyes, not daring to look down at the stick she held in her hands.

What if it was positive? What the hell was she going to do?

What if it was negative? Would she be relieved? Could she be relieved? She wanted nothing more in this world than a child.

Finally, she began to cast her eyes downward, slowly, slowly, until they rested on their target.

A plus sign.

The pregnancy test fell to the floor and Olivia's head dropped into her hands.

Somewhere so far away, the tea kettle began to howl.


	5. Chapter 5

**DISCLAIMER: Story is mine. Characters are not.**

_A/N: Sorry for the 2-day hiatus, guys. It's been a bit busy 'round here. I hope you enjoy the next installment!_**  
**

Olivia lay on her bed, absently rubbing her fingers in little circles around her protruding belly. She smiled ever-so-slightly at the thought of her child growing inside her. Truth be told, it was the only thing that made her smile these days.

After she'd taken the home pregnancy test, she'd made an appointment to go see a doctor, who confirmed the positive result. She was going to have a baby. Upon hearing the news from an actual medical professional, Olivia didn't know whether to laugh or cry. In all honesty, she hadn't done either one of those things since moving to Chicago. She had determined that feeling any kind of emotion was dangerous; if she let herself feel everything she was feeling, the hurt, the anger, the loss, the loneliness… she would explode.

For the briefest of moments, Olivia had considered not going through with the pregnancy. As much as it pained her to think about it, she felt she had to consider this alternative. She knew she was ready to be a mother. But if she were to go through with the pregnancy, she _would_ have to tell Elliot. Her moral compass was one of those traits that made her a great cop and it certainly wasn't something she could turn off when it came to her own life.

Yes, she had left Elliot, but at that time, she thought she was doing the right thing for them both. They couldn't go on pretending anymore; they weren't just partners, they both knew it.

The more she entertained the idea of not going through with this pregnancy, the sicker she felt. When she thought of that child, her child, _Elliot's child_, she could not possibly get rid of it. It took her a long time to admit it, but… she still loved Elliot. She always would. Of course he was the man to give her the one thing she most desired: a family. It had to be Elliot.

As she lay by herself, a small pillow under her back to alleviate the pressure she felt in her belly, it occurred to her that she once found this type of silence oppressive, hurtful. She didn't feel so alone now. She began to feel like she was coming back to herself, like she was heading for a long-overdue spring, a thawing-out period. For the first time, she allowed herself to wonder how Elliot was, what he was doing. Was he with the kids? Was he chasing a perp down an alleyway? Was he in trouble?

She sighed softly to herself. Thinking of Elliot wasn't going to change anything, wasn't going to make the fact that she was keeping this monumental secret from him any easier to bear.

What was she going to do? She had to tell him. He would hate her. And rightfully so. She knew Elliot; he had trouble keeping his temper in check. And she knew that her leaving would have made him beyond angry with her. Telling him now that she was five months pregnant with his child would only cause more heartache. She had made it so he couldn't trust her. If she told him, there would be a custody battle, and she and Elliot wouldn't even know each other by the end of it. And their child would suffer immensely.

Shit. She was back to square one. How had she managed to fuck things up so badly?

Her life was broken. It was up to her to fix it. For her child.

* * *

Elliot lay in bed and stared out the window. If this wasn't New York City, perhaps he could see the stars. How could he possibly feel so alone in a city of millions people?

What was she doing right now? It was late… was she alone? Had she allowed someone into her bed?

Elliot angrily ran a hand down his face, trying to wipe away the traces of her that were left on him. No matter how hard he tried, he could never get rid of her. She lingered in his thoughts, he could still feel her under his fingers.

He should hate her for leaving the way she did. He should hate her for abandoning her friends, her job, her victims… and him. She had betrayed the trust of everyone she knew. She left her home, knowing how hurtful her actions were to those in her life. He should hate her. He should _hate_ her.

But he couldn't. Not only was he too emotionally exhausted, he… he still loved her. He would always love her. She knew things about him that no one else knew, that no one else could know. She was his confidant, his best friend.

Since his conversation with the Captain about his behavior, Elliot had tried to forget her. He had tried to forget how Olivia had made him feel safe; he was never afraid to chase a perp knowing Olivia was there, that she had his back. He didn't trust this new guy. And Munch and Fin… they just reminded him of her, of how things used to be. They were a family, albeit a dysfunctional one. He could barely function at work… but still, he tried.

He thought about the last time he saw her, about how he felt inside her. He thought of the sound of her voice, the softness of her hair brushing up against his face, the way she'd smiled against his lips, the musky smell of sweat and sex.

At the time, he thought that was the beginning of something. He thought he'd finally taken the final step, that perfect step toward… togetherness. He foolishly thought they'd grow old together. All his years in special victims hadn't jaded him; he still believed in love. And yes, despite his brief affair with Olivia, he still believed in the sanctity of marriage. Perhaps it was his Catholic upbringing. And if he had to admit it, his marriage to Kathy was over after Eli was born. He'd tried so hard to make it work, he'd tried so hard to love his wife again. He hadn't expected his marriage to be new again, they did have five children together. But they just didn't pay attention to each other anymore, they just didn't want to.

He'd had plans, he'd thought of a future with Olivia. Apparently she hadn't been thinking the same thing. Or else she wouldn't have left.

The longer she was gone, the more he was able to make it through the day-to-day. He supposed that, with time, he would be able to move on. But for now, he just couldn't. And moreover, he didn't want to.

He sighed softly and turned over, willing sleep to come to him at last. He closed his eyes and saw her face. Saw her smiling that last night with Calvin as they played Rock, Paper, Scissors. It was the last time he'd heard her laugh. The sound of her voice played like a song in his head. And he slowly drifted off to sleep… to the tune of Olivia.


	6. Chapter 6

**DISCLAIMER: The story is mine. Nothing else.**

_A/N: I know a lot of you were frustrated by the last chapter. Firstly, let me thank you for your reviews and for voicing your opinions to me. I really enjoy the feedback! Secondly, let me explain: I really wanted to drive home their separateness. The story is sad so far because our characters aren't themselves without each other. And I needed them to feel more loneliness to increase the love, the anger, the passion they feel for each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder, right? That said, I really hope you enjoy this chapter. :)_

Elliot stared at the empty desk across from him. It had been seven months and he still wasn't used to her absence. He'd driven away another partner, two since she'd been gone. He'd accepted that he just couldn't work with anyone else, not when they had been so perfect together.

"Elliot," Cragen's voice interrupted his thoughts and he turned toward the sound. "Join me, won't you?" The Captain beckoned with his hand for Elliot to come in to his office.

Elliot sighed, frustrated before even vacating his chair. He'd been good these last few weeks! He hadn't gotten angry, he hadn't thrown a suspect up against a wall, he hadn't bitched anyone out for no reason… what could the Captain want? He certainly couldn't want to have another discussion, and he certainly wouldn't suggest Elliot go talk to Huang again…

"Sit," Cragen said before Elliot had even shut the door.

Elliot regarded him defensively. "I think I'll stand…" his voice trailed off when he saw the Captain's face, his dark eyes creased with worry.

"Trust me," Cragen said. "You'll want to sit down for this."

Elliot sat down silently, wondering what the hell was going on. It couldn't be… it couldn't be her…

"I received a call today from Chicago SVU. Captain Larrimer wanted to thank me for sending him the best detective he'd ever had working under him."

"Olivia?" Elliot whispered hoarsely. Somewhere along the line, Elliot's throat had gone completely dry, he lost his breath, his legs went numb.

Cragen paused and barely nodded. "He said that Detective Benson was one amazing cop: smart, intuitive, patient with victims… and he said she was almost completely useless from the moment she started."

Elliot's brow creased and he scrutinized the Captain carefully. He spoke slowly, choosing his words carefully… well somewhat carefully. "Why the hell would he say that?"

"He told me…" the Captain paused and sighed. The continued, "He told me Olivia's pregnant."

Elliot felt the room spin. He looked down at the floor to gain his bearings, tried hard to see the logic in the situation. She must have met someone there, settled down with him and started a family. It was quick, but he couldn't say it was entirely unexpected. Olivia was beautiful, smart, funny, full of life… he loved her more than he thought possible. He had to accept that if he did, other men could… and would.

"Elliot." The Captain's voice brought him back. The room stopped spinning once something grounded him. That was usually Olivia's job, but she wasn't here. "Elliot, I have to ask… is it yours?"

Elliot paused and thought how funny it was that the Captain saw right through him. He knew what their relationship had become, probably even before Elliot and Olivia had. He wondered who else knew, how transparent had their relationship become. At first, he didn't know how to answer the Captain's question. It could be his, yes. God, he almost hoped it was. Not only because he couldn't bear the thought of Olivia with another man… no, those legs only belonged around him, that mouth was made to kiss him, her body was made to fit with his. There was that, but there was also the idea of a child… a child with Olivia, a child made from the two of them. But then, Olivia had been gone for many months… it might not be. Maybe she had met a man, someone to fill the lonely nights, someone to touch her the way that Elliot would have, had he really been given a chance.

No, he didn't know the answer. So he answered as honestly as he could.

"I don't know."

* * *

Olivia sat at her desk, shifting position constantly in order to alleviate the pressure in her pelvis. Month seven had not been easy so far. She'd been confined to her desk due to her "delicate condition," according to her Captain. What a misogynistic prick. She'd been stuck shuffling papers, filing DD-5's, entering data into computer databases. She couldn't handle it. It was boring, she didn't feel like she was really doing her job. She wanted to help the vics, she wanted to lock up some criminals, she wanted to feel like she was doing some good for crying out loud!

Olivia inhaled sharply as a severe pain shot through her pelvis. "Oh God…" she whispered to herself. That was the second one she'd had in an hour. She shifted her position in her chair again in the hopes the baby would settle.

She wished Elliot was with her. She had no idea what he was like during Kathy's pregnancies, but she imagined he'd be loving and nurturing, willing to do whatever it took for her to achieve comfort. Instead, she was alone, dealing with the pain and discomfort by herself. She knew she had only herself to blame. But still… she thought that being seven months pregnant allowed her a little bit of margin to wallow in self pity.

She just missed him.

Another sharp pain and Olivia's hand went to her belly. "Jesus," she gasped.

A female co-worker, another detective, approached her. "Benson, you okay?"

"Christ, Connie, I have no idea. I keep getting these shooting pains."

"Shooting pains?" Connie's brow furrowed. "How many? How far apart?"

"Uh, three so far in the last hour." Her co-workers worry concerned her. "Why? What's wrong?"

"How far along are you?"

"About 28 weeks."

"Come on," Connie took her arm and pulled her gently out of her chair. "Get your coat."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Probably nothing," Connie said, her voice calm but her forehead still creased. "But we should go get it checked out."

Olivia could see right through her co-worker's façade; she was nervous and wanted to get Olivia to a hospital as soon as possible.

As Connie shuffled her quickly (well, as quickly as Olivia could move) from the squadroom, Olivia wished for Elliot. She wished he had his expertise to guide her; he had been through this five times. She wished for his voice to calm her, his eyes to center her. She wished it was Elliot's hand on the small of her back, she wished Elliot would be by her side at the hospital.

Why hadn't she called him when she had the chance? She'd picked up the phone so many times, dialed the first six digits of his phone number but hung up before she could finish. She was so scared, scared of what he might say, scared of what he might do. She was scared of how this would affect his relationship with Kathy… it would, in all certainty, end it. Kathy had always taken issue with Olivia.

She was so afraid he'd hate her. She couldn't bear that thought. He was her best friend, he was her solid ground, her counterpart. She'd only done what she'd done to protect him, just as she always did.

And now she was scared of losing his child. What if this was it? She'd come so close to having a family. Maybe she wasn't supposed to be a mother. But she thought for sure this was it, that this was what was supposed to happen. She was supposed to bear Elliot's child. She knew it was right, she knew it right down to her bones.

She called for him, silently, willing him to come to her.

_Elliot… Elliot… Elliot…_


	7. Chapter 7

**DISCLAIMER: Olivia and Elliot aren't mine, even though I love them like they were. They belong to Dick Wolf. This story, however, is mine.**

_A/N: Sorry for the slight delay. Things are a little busy 'round here. I'm planning my wedding and my fiance and I are moving in two weeks. Needless to say, writing this story has been such a welcome refuge. Thank you all for reading. :) I hope you enjoy Chapter 7; this one is all Elliot. Never a bad thing. ;)_**  
**

Elliot stood outside the Chicago Police Department, staring up at its glass and brick exterior. He didn't know why, but he was completely terrified. He hadn't seen her in so long…

After Captain Cragen told him that Olivia was pregnant, Elliot didn't know what to do. Cragen watched the color drain from Elliot's face and ordered him to take some time off. Elliot couldn't help but wonder if that was a signal to go to Chicago and bring her back to New York, to her family. He left the office, wondering what the hell he was going to do. He took the subway to his apartment and casually looked up flights online. _Just in case_, he thought to himself.

As he was browsing flights for that afternoon, a memory overcame him: Olivia, in his arms, watching Calvin struggling as a stranger's arms carried him down the hallway. He felt the life leave her body then, and she deflated right there against him despite how tightly he held her. He'd tried to bring her back, for two days he'd tried to no avail. Until that third day… that day she'd opened up to him so beautifully. Olivia never did that. She always guarded herself with the utmost diligence; she never let herself get close to anyone. She'd had a string of failed relationships, always putting her job before her personal life. Until Calvin… until Elliot.

He could almost feel her in his arms again and found himself clicking his mouse furiously, typing the numbers on his credit card into the online form and booking a ticket for that very morning. He'd arrive in Chicago at one. He grabbed a duffel bag, one suitable for carry-on. He couldn't waste any time with baggage check. He threw in some clothes and the essential toiletries, changed out of his suit and into jeans, a t-shirt and his leather jacket. The last was a recently acquired item… a fitting homage to Olivia. He was out the door before he'd even realized what he was doing.

And now here he was, standing in front of the place where she worked and debating on whether or not to go inside. He'd come all this way to see her, to find her and bring her home. To see if he could work this out… and, if he was being honest, to find out if this child Olivia was carrying was his.

He stood there, watching people go in and out of the building and wondering if any of them knew Olivia. Were any of them victims she'd helped? Colleagues she'd worked with? A partner whose life she'd saved?

The last thought hurt more than he'd expected. _He_ was still her partner. In so many ways.

Taking a deep breath, Elliot forced one foot in front of the other and soon found himself in front of the doors. Like a robot, he grasped one of the handles and swung the door open, feeling the whoosh of air against his face as he stepped inside. It seemed as though that was his reality check, for as soon as he stepped inside, he began to feel frenzied, panicked, desperate.

No longer feeling like a machine, he hurried to the front desk and asked for Special Victims. He ran to the elevator and took it up, nearly exploding out of the doors when it came to the designated floor and running down the hall. He burst into the room and looked around for her, his eyes scanning each desk, each face, looking for the familiar glint of caramel hair and olive skin.

She wasn't there. Where was she? _Where was she?_

Someone, seeing the harried look on his face, approached and asked if she could help. Elliot, for a moment, was concerned he couldn't speak. Somehow, the air pushed its way out of his lungs. "Benson," he croaked. "I'm looking for Detective Benson." He hadn't said her name in so long.

The woman scrutinized him, clearly concerned that he was crazy. "Can I ask what this is in reference to?"

Elliot took a deep breath and closed his eyes, centering himself by picturing her face. He almost smiled. He was so close. He opened his eyes again and regarded the woman in front of him more calmly. "I'm Detective Stabler, New York Special Victims. I'm her partner." He realized what he'd said and quickly corrected himself, "Her former partner." It hurt him to say the words.

"Really?" the woman seemed skeptical. "She never mentioned you."

The words stung for a moment until he realized… he could barely say her name, too. Perhaps it was a sign… maybe she hadn't forgotten him. Maybe she was just as in love with him as he was with her.

Elliot quickly pulled out his badge and showed it to the cop, whose kind eyes truly wanted to help but needed the reassurance that Elliot wasn't there to harm her co-worker. She looked at his credentials and into his eyes once more before telling him news he didn't want to hear. "I… I took Olivia to the hospital a few hours ago."

"What? Why?" Elliot's heart began to race once more. "Is she okay? Tell me she's okay, please." He practically begged this woman.

"I don't know, actually. I had to come back here to work a case soon after I dropped her off…" The woman, seeing the Elliot was about to lose it, then spoke the magic words:

"Come on, I'll take you to her."

* * *

The police cruiser pulled up in the hospital entrance bay and as Elliot bolted from the car, the woman (he'd learned her name was Connie) called to him "Maternity ward, third floor!"

Elliot blazed through the wide automatic doors of the hospital and bolted for the bank of elevators, taking the first one to the maternity floor. He paused at the desk, waiting impatiently for the nurse to hang up the damn phone and pay attention to him. Couldn't she see it was an emergency? Couldn't she see he was about to come out of his skin?

She finally hung up the phone and, acknowledging his presence, turned and looked at him wordlessly. "Olivia Benson, please." In those three words, he begged the nurse for her information. The nurse, who had been irritated just seconds before, turned gentle and, putting her hand on his, told him her room number.

He nodded, his blue eyes thanking her profusely, and made his way down the hallway. His heart thudded in his chest at the thought of seeing her again, this woman he'd loved for so long. The procession down the corridor was slow, a wedding march, a funeral march. Two such conflicting emotions overpowered him: a deep and abiding love for her, his partner, his best friend, his lover; and an anger so profuse, so hot that it burned his veins.

Up until this moment, he'd thought of nothing but getting to her. But now… now that she was just moments away, the reality, the gravity of the situation in which he'd found himself truly set in.

She'd left him. She had possibly taken his unborn child with her. She had betrayed his trust in every way.

Yet he loved her still. He couldn't stop loving her. It was like the tide, ever constant, rolling in and rolling out, ebbing and flowing over all the different emotions that were coursing through his body. Yes, his love for her was an ocean, so vast and deep, so peaceful yet so capable of such incredible destruction.

He counted the numbers: 319, 321... Room 323… her room was next. He came to a stop in front of the window to room 325. The sterile white blinds, which should have been drawn and probably would have been if there were more activity in the room, were slightly open. He could see her form through the slats. Taking one more small step forward, he could finally see her face. Her eyes were closed… but she was radiant. Pregnancy agreed with her, certainly. Her cheeks were warm and glowing, her belly rounded in front of her, her hands protectively surrounded her unborn child.

Upon further inspection, Elliot saw that she was hooked up to a fetal monitor. Something was wrong with the baby. And Olivia was alone. She looked so fragile in that hospital bed, draped in a gown and a yellow blanket that looked so soft and warm and comforting.

What a paradox she was… Elliot had never known a stronger woman. He thought back to her time in New York and, simply put, Olivia was so badass. She could throw a perp up against the wall with such ferocity… it had been such a turn on for him once.

And yet, Olivia was far more breakable than most people. She'd never really known love… in fact, she and Love were practically strangers. And this made her so terribly vulnerable.

Elliot took a deep breath and took in the sight of the love of his life once more. Could he really do this? Could he go in there? Speak to her? Hold her hand? Would she hate him for taking advantage of her while she was in such a vulnerable state? Could they forgive each other their sins?

Treading lightly, so carefully, Elliot took a step forward.

And another.

And another.


	8. Chapter 8

**DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine. Just the story.**

Olivia laid her head back against the soft pillow and closed her eyes. This hospital was good, she had to admit it. The blankets were warm and worn-in, the pillows weren't stiff but fluffy and pliable. The fact that she was so comfortable made the fact that she was scared as hell a little easier to bear.

When Connie had suggested she go to the hospital, Olivia knew that she was intentionally keeping the concern from her face. Her co-worker didn't want to terrify her and Olivia appreciated that. She was terrified enough.

Pre-term labor, the doctor's had told her. They'd immediately hooked her up to a fetal monitor, which she'd wear for the next eight weeks. They decided to keep her overnight for observation, kept her plugged in to an I.V. for hydration and even given her a little something to help stop the labor. And she had some bed rest to look forward to as well. Great.

How the hell was she going to manage that? She was alone. Every time she'd picked up the phone to call Elliot, her fingers wouldn't work. She could hear his voice in her head but, for the first time since they'd known each other, she didn't know what he would say.

Her arms instinctively wrapped themselves around her belly, trying to urge her child to stay put. She missed Elliot, she missed him more than she could bear.

She sighed and turned her head, attempting to rest but finding the silence unbearable. The silence left her alone with her thoughts. And her thoughts always came back to Elliot. To his soft, strong hands on her; to his voice in her ear; to his nose in her hair, his mouth on her neck. If she was being honest, that night with Elliot was… well, it was the best damn night she'd ever had.

It was the first time in her life that she'd ever felt complete, truly loved. Elliot was her partner, her equal; he was the one person who really saw her, who understood her. Olivia was complex, she knew she was, and her past was tragic. She had spent her life trying to deal with the fact that she was the product of an event so unspeakable, so horrific… and her mother had to look at her each and every day, a constant reminder of the worst night of her life. Olivia had always felt that unspoken hatred, even as a child. Her mother… God, her mother had tried. But she couldn't ever really love Olivia. Instead, she'd drowned herself, attempted to submerge her pain in alcohol, hoping it might ease the hurt she felt every single day since the night she was raped.

Olivia, attempting to make amends, dedicated her life to victims like her mother. But she'd never found… love. She'd never found someone to accept her for who she was… the child of a rapist, just trying to find her rightful place in the food chain. But Elliot didn't see her that way. She could tell by the look in his eyes that he saw her as a cop, as a friend… as a woman.

Olivia sighed again, softly. She heard a shuffle by the door and opened her eyes, expecting a nurse but getting the surprise of her life.

"Elliot…" she breathed. His muscular frame stood in the door of her hospital room, his hands stuffed in his pockets, his face full of emotions he tried to keep at bay. He smiled at her, the half-smile she loved so much, his blue eyes genuinely pleased to see her. Olivia's stomach did somersaults… was it her stomach or the baby?

"How… where…" Olivia shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. "What are you doing here?"

Elliot took a small step forward, a small step closer to her. He was awkwardly trying to close the 700-mile gap she'd put between them. She wished he would speak, she wanted desperately to hear his voice. He looked at the ground, she could tell her was choosing his words. "Your captain," he began. His voice was like water flowing over smooth rocks. It soothed her and she felt her child give a little kick, up toward her heart. "He called Cragen. He said you were the best cop he'd ever had working for him."

Olivia looked down at her hands on her belly. What must Elliot be thinking right now? She couldn't even imagine…

"But he said you were useless almost from day one."

Olivia chuckled and looked up at Elliot. "That sounds like him."

"Liv…" She closed her eyes as he said her name. It was perfection. When she opened her eyes again, he was closer to her. Just a bit closer, but somehow, she felt warmer.

"El, I…" Olivia paused, her voice breaking with emotion. She fought hard against the tears in her eyes. The baby kicked again, nudging her toward Elliot. "I don't know what to say." She looked at him and touched the spot where their child had kicked.

"Just tell me the truth, Olivia." She sensed the anxiety in his voice. He was upset and trying hard to maintain control. "Tell me everything."

Olivia stared at him. Now was the time. She knew it was coming; she should have known it wouldn't happen on her terms, but his. She nodded slightly and Elliot sat in a chair, a mere three feet from her bed.

"I couldn't face you," she began, staring at her hands in her lap. Apparently, she still had difficulty facing him "What happened between us was…" She tried desperately to find the right word without being to cliché.

"Incredible." Just as she came up with the word, Elliot finished her thought.

Her head snapped up and her eyes met his. She smiled and she saw Elliot melt a little right there in front of her. Perhaps he didn't hate her after all…

"Yes," she said almost breathlessly. "Incredible. No one has ever truly touched me before you, Elliot." She blushed at her admission. "But it changed everything. _You_ changed everything the moment you kissed me. I was suddenly _the other woman_ and I couldn't stand it, knowing how-" She stopped abruptly, her eyes never leaving his. Could she say it? Could she finally say it? If not now, then when?

"Knowing how…?" Elliot led her, willing her to say the words. She almost heard hope in his voice.

His voice emboldened her and she spoke clearly, confidently. She was not wrong to feel the way she did, even though Elliot was married. "Knowing how much I loved you."

Neither of them smiled; they only stared. They were finally being honest. After so many years of hiding the truth, now was the time. As Elliot's eyes bore into hers, she felt her resolve wane slightly. She turned her gaze back to her hands.

"I… I couldn't stay. I couldn't see you again after that. I left that night knowing you went home to your wife, to your family. I'd never felt more alone in my entire life. And I couldn't stand it. I couldn't subject myself to that kind of pain anymore. I'd become a masochist, going in to work everyday, seeing you there, saving your life, depending on you to save mine. So I left. I came here." She ran her hands up and down her swollen belly and she watched Elliot's eyes follow the motion with a mixture of anxiety and curiosity.

"I didn't know I was pregnant when I left."

She heard Elliot exhale and watched him stand. He did this when he needed to think something through; the movement helped him process. Olivia allowed him the space he required and didn't speak again.

"So…" Elliot spoke after a few moments, turning toward her. His eyes, sharp at first gaze, turned soft when they met hers. His voice softened as well. "So… it's mine then?"

So that's why he'd come… to find out if the baby was his or if she'd slept around once she'd gotten here. Is that how he thought of her?

"Jesus, Elliot," she spoke before she thought about what she was saying. "What kind of person do you think I am?"

That was the wrong thing to say.

"I don't know Olivia," he squared his shoulders and faced her dead on. He knew how to challenge her. When they were partners, they'd sparred frequently. In fact, they were good at it. They could fight with the best of them. "But I certainly didn't take you for the kind of woman who fucks a man and then leaves him."

His words stung her. She'd never heard him say anything like that before. "Is that what you think I did?"

Elliot didn't speak.

"Shit, Stabler, I left because I thought it would be best. You're married. I'd always complicated things with Kathy before, and if I'd stayed, they sure as hell would have gotten much more interesting."

"Apparently," he made a small gesture toward her belly.

She touched her stomach delicately. The baby had quieted down, as if sensing their raised voices and their need for room to argue. "El, I…"

"Don't say a word," he held up his hand. "You should have told me."

"I know," her voice was barely a whisper. The tears she'd been fighting since the moment he walked into the room spilled down her cheeks. She looked up at him and sobbed. "I didn't know how."

She buried her face in her hands and wept.


	9. Chapter 9

**DISCLAIMER: I'm only responsible for the story. Elliot and Olivia aren't mine.**

_A/N: Sorry for the slight delay. I'm trying to keep it to a chapter a night, but I didn't like this chapter when I first wrote it. I hope it's okay now... albeit a bit long! :)_**  
**

Elliot watched her cry. It hurt more than he could have imagined. He knew that pregnancy made women hormonal and that her outburst was most likely due to that more than anything. But still. She was crying. And it was because of him.

Yes, he was angry. And he felt he had every right to be. But Olivia… she also had a right to be angry. And he understood that.

"Olivia," he said softly, a small attempt to calm her tears. "Liv…" She still wept. "Olivia, I don't know what to do here. Do you remember the last time I comforted you when you were like this?"

He saw Olivia stiffen and heard her laugh wryly. She sniffed heavily, took her head from her hands and wiped her tears. "Yeah," she said softly, staring straight at him. "We really fucked up, didn't we?"

"Well," Elliot said. "I wouldn't say that."

Olivia let out an honest laugh. "Really? I would."

_She would?_ Elliot was surprised that this surprised him. He'd been too focused on the emotions he felt for her, so focused on getting to her that he didn't even stop to think that maybe she regretted ever sleeping with him. He supposed he could understand that, he had been married at the time. But still… he thought this was it, that _she_ was it for him. And here Olivia was, telling him that this was just another mess in her life that she had to clean up. How could he have been so off base?

Now what was he going to do? Maybe it was time to put up some walls of his own. A self-preservation tactic… it might keep him from getting hurt. Well, too hurt. If he and Olivia were never going to happen, that would hurt like hell no matter how thick the walls were.

"El," she interrupted his thoughts, startling him into looking at her. Looking at her was a mistake. She looked so… beautiful. "How are you here? I mean, does, um… does Kathy know?"

Elliot sighed and began to pace around the room. He couldn't sit near her, he had to stay guarded. "Kathy…" He stopped and looked out the window of her hospital room, all of Chicago spread out before him. "Kathy and I are divorced."

"What?" Olivia hadn't even tried to hide the shock in her voice.

"Yup," Elliot turned toward her and tried to remain nonchalant.

"When?" Olivia asked him.

"She served me with the papers a week after you'd left. It was a long time coming," Elliot continued before he really thought about what he was saying. "My walking around in a coma for six days certainly didn't help things."

_Shit_. He realized that he'd admitted something he didn't care to admit. That her leaving had had a devastating affect on him, that he couldn't function without her.

"I—I…" she was speechless for a moment. He saw the wheels turning in her head, processing this new, huge piece of information. "I don't know what to say, El. I am sorry your wife left you but… but that's not my fault." She put up her hands in front of her, a defense mechanism. She knew him well and, in their old life together, saying something like that would have set him off.

"Don't misunderstand me," he started quickly, trying hard to keep his emotions at bay. "I'm not saying it was your fault. I'm sure you had your reasons for leaving." This wall he'd started to build in front of him was starting to hurt. He wanted to hold her, to tell her he was sorry for taking advantage of her, for hurting her, for forcing her away… he wanted to tell her that he loved her. But he couldn't.

"I did, El, you know I did." Her voice was soft. He knew she was referring to the fact that he'd been married, that he'd finally had the affair that had been building for so many years. He'd made her into his mistress, when they both knew she was much more than that.

"Yeah," he said, turning his back on her. He didn't want to admit anymore than he already had.

"Christ, Elliot, are you going to shoulder any of the blame here? Or just throw it all on to me?"

She was always good at calling him on his shit. That's exactly what he was doing. He was terrified to admit his feelings for her. In a strange twist of events, Olivia was the one being honest in this conversation, not Elliot. Apparently, her emotions were held back by a floodgate; she only had two settings: closed and open. Right now, she was open. It made Elliot feel like shit.

"I'm pretty much going to let you take all of it."

"Fuck you."

"You shouldn't say things like that," he turned on her. "Our baby can hear you."

_Our baby_. He'd said _Our baby_.

She had no idea what to say to that. He knew he'd leveled her with those two words. _Our baby_.

He had an overwhelming urge to touch her belly, to close the gap between them, to breathe in her scent. He hadn't forgotten: amber, pomegranate, bergamot. So musky and sexy, so uniquely _her_.

He knew what he wanted: Olivia and their child. But he couldn't force himself to give in. His pride took over and he refused to be vulnerable. He refused to be a victim.

As he stared into her eyes, he saw something shift in her. He saw the floodgates close and he saw her become really, really pissed off.

"What the hell do you want, Elliot? Why are you here?" She was going to force him to admit things that he'd kept locked away for seven months. He wouldn't give her the satisfaction.

"I'm your partner. It's my job to make sure you're alive and to keep you that way."

"You're not my partner anymore," Olivia countered. "I don't work in Manhattan SVU, remember? So you can give up whatever need you feel to protect me. I can do it myself."

"Yeah, you've done such a great job so far." The words ran away with him, he couldn't stop himself from speaking. He knew it would hurt her. "That's why you're here, in Chicago, in this hospital room… completely alone."

Well, if it hurt her she certainly didn't show it. In fact, she was almost too quick to respond. "At least I haven't built my life on a lie that I'd convinced myself was true."

There it was. That brutal, honest truth again. How could he argue?

He couldn't. He just stared at his feet. She was right. He hadn't loved Kathy in a long time and yet he'd continued on with her, making more children, building the life he thought she wanted. And all this time, what he'd really wanted was Olivia in all her feisty, sexy, guarded, vulnerable glory. She gave it to him straight; she told him when he was being an asshole. It was only when it came to herself that she told half-truths.

What the hell was happening? When he started this journey, Elliot had only planned as far as seeing her again. When he boarded the plane for Chicago, he hadn't known what he was going to say to her, but he knew now that this wasn't how he wanted it to be. Why did she have to be so honest with him? She had answered every question he'd asked her openly, despite the fact that it made her look like the bad guy. And he couldn't even give her a straight answer on why he'd come looking for her when she'd made it very clear she didn't want to be found.

He opened his mouth to finally apologize and tell her everything, when a nurse walked in. _Dammit_, he thought, running a hand through his short hair.

"Hello, Ms. Benson!" she called brightly, oblivious to the argument that had been taking place prior to her interruption. "I've just come to check on you."

Olivia looked away from Elliot and up into the nurse's grinning face. "Sure," Olivia smiled politely.

The nurse checked her I.V. bags and the needle in her arm, as well as the fetal monitor. "Everything is looking okay, Olivia," she said softly. "I don't think you have anything to worry about. Your baby seems to be doing just fine."

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and ran her hand over her stomach, silently communicating to their child. _Their_ child.

"And who is this young man?" the nurse nodded toward Elliot and smiled warmly at him.

"Oh, I, uh, I…" Elliot stammered, unsure as to how to answer that question.

"This," Olivia began calmly, gesturing toward him. "Is the baby's father, Elliot Stabler."

Elliot stared at her, this woman he loved. If it was possible, he fell in love with her even more at that moment. He'd had no idea that was what he wanted from her in that moment, but it was simple enough: he wanted her to say that he was the father of the child she was carrying. He was going to be a father. It felt like the first time all over again.

"Oh!" the nurse exclaimed. "Well congratulations young man!"

Elliot returned her warm smiles with gratitude. He would forever be indebted to this woman for making Olivia say the words that made his heart swell with pride and love. "Thank you," he whispered.

The nurse smiled at him again, patted Olivia's hand and left the room wordlessly.

Both Elliot and Olivia stared at their hands, not knowing what to say to each other. What could they say to each other? It seemed as though they'd broke this beyond repair. They were both too proud to admit their feelings for each other. Olivia had tried to be honest with him and he'd thrown it in her face. He didn't think she'd try again. It was his turn.

"Liv," Elliot began. "I… I'm sor-"

"Wait," Olivia sat up quickly and put her hand to the right side of her belly. "Come here. Quick."

Elliot was alarmed. "What is it? Are you okay?" Without thinking, crashing through those walls he'd been building for the last twenty minutes, he crossed the room toward her, closing the gap between them, finally ready to do whatever she needed.

She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach, low near her hip. "Wait," she whispered, staring straight into his eyes.

He couldn't take it, looking at her, seeing her, touching her belly, feeling her hand on his. He looked away as he felt the emotions swell in his chest. He was about to pull away, to retreat to safety when he felt a tiny bump against his hand.

Quickly, he looked up at Olivia with joyful surprise in his eyes. He'd felt this before with his other five children, but this… this was so different. It was Olivia. _Olivia_. He grinned.

He felt it again and looked fondly at the spot where their baby's tiny foot or hand or head was pressing against him. He was overwhelmed. "Liv," he said, his hand still on her belly. "Liv, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I forced you away, I'm sorry I took advantage, I'm sor-"

He felt her hand cover his mouth. "Elliot." She stopped him with a word. "We're both sorry," she said. "This never should have happened."

"That's not why I'm apologizing, Olivia. I'm not upset that it happened. I'm just sorry that I put you in a compromising position that night."

Olivia smiled at him genuinely. "You had me in more than one compromising position that night," she joked.

He laughed. He had to. "Touche," he smiled at her warmly, lovingly.

Olivia smiled at him again, almost half-heartedly. He knew she was thinking about that night and the many ways this had gone wrong. She ran her hands up and down her belly again and sighed very softly.

Finally, the words struck him. He knew what to say to her.

"It's okay to be happy about this child, Olivia."

She didn't look at him; she just stopped moving and closed her eyes. That was it. That was all she needed. He knew it. He'd finally done something right, he'd finally done something to make her happy. He knew she must have been living in complete anxiety these last seven months; he knew she hadn't deliberately misled him. She would have called had she known what to say, had she known he and Kathy weren't together anymore. This wasn't her fault. He took her hand silently and looked at her.

She finally looked at him with soft, caramel eyes and simply said, "Thank you."


	10. Chapter 10

**DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine. Just the story.**

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews everyone! Hope you all enjoy the next chapter!_**  
**

Olivia looked down at their softly entwined fingers and realized how much she loved the feeling of Elliot next to her. She'd always loved that feeling. Knowing that Elliot was there made her feel comfortable, made her feel like she was home. For that's exactly what Elliot was to her: the safety and shelter of home. How could she have ever been so stupid as to leave him?

"I've missed you, El." She never thought she was capable of saying those words, but they poured out of her mouth like a waterfall. She looked up into his eyes and saw he was smiling.

"I've missed you, too, Olivia." The words brought warmth to her heart. "So," he said, still sitting impossibly close. She still couldn't believe he was here. "What do we do now?"

What could she say? That they would forgive each other all their sins, she would bear his child and they would live happily ever after? If there was one thing she'd learned over all her years on Earth, it was that her life was no fairy tale. So, when she spoke, she chose the safe route.

"Well," she began slowly. "I could move back to New York after the baby is born and we could draw up papers for shared custody. I… I don't want to keep you from your child."

Elliot nodded, taking in everything she was saying. His face was so damned unreadable sometimes, despite how well she knew him, she couldn't tell what he was thinking.

"No, Liv," he spoke. "That's not good enough."

Her stomach dropped. "You… you want full custody?" There was no way he'd do that to her, he knew how much she wanted a child.

He chuckled and shook his head. "No, Olivia, I don't want full custody."

Could she dare to hope? Was it possible that, after everything they'd been through, he could love her?

"What then?" she whispered, looking down at her swollen belly, feeling her love for the child growing there inside her.

Elliot took her chin in his hand and tilted her face toward his. "I want you."

"El…" she said. That was the only word she was able to get out before his lips were on hers. The kiss was perfect, chaste and sweet. She felt her emotions swell up to the point of overflowing, she felt the baby stir within her.

Elliot pulled away and smiled at her.

"El…" she whispered. His smile faded, he knew she'd try to rationalize her way out of this. He knew she was scared. As much as she wanted to, she couldn't stop the words from tumbling out of her mouth. "Are you sure about this? You haven't even been divorced a year yet and you want to saddle yourself with another woman and child? We can work something out, you're this baby's father. I won't keep you-"

"Jesus, Olivia," he laughed and stood, pacing the room again. "You're trying to run from this? You're trying to run from me, from us? Olivia, it's _me_."

"I know, but-"

"How long have you loved me?"

His words shocked her. She fought a wry smile. "You smug bastard."

Elliot ran a hand down his face and, clasping both hands behind his head, stretched silently. Olivia's heart stopped for a moment.

"I asked you a question," he stared at her, his look intense, demanding. "How long have you loved me? Because I've loved you from the moment I met you." He spoke the last part softly, kindly. He wanted her to know that she was not alone, that she'd never be alone.

Olivia felt the tears form. Damn her emotions for betraying her; sometimes she hated being pregnant. She felt everything times ten. "I… I don't know."

"You don't know if you love me?" She physically saw him become defensive.

"No, no," she stopped his thought process before it went too far. "I don't know how long I've loved you. It's… it's been such a long time, I can't pinpoint it."

He paused and looked at her, as if trying to decide whether or not she was serious. He closed the gap between them in three steps and his mouth was on hers before she could even take a breath. His hand was behind her head, twisting in her hair, holding her as if she'd slip away from him… again. He pulled away and the room began to spin… until her eyes locked on his. Everything stopped, she was centered, balanced. He grinned at her.

"Yeah, yeah," she smiled. "Okay, so, I love you. Now what?"

He laughed and resumed his seat in the chair next to her bed. "Honestly, I have no idea."

* * *

The elation Elliot felt when Olivia said those words couldn't be described. She loved him… she loved him. She'd finally admitted it. All those times he thought he'd lose her, all those times he thought their job would take her life… she was just as scared to lose him. They were finally able to admit it. He was free of his marriage to Kathy. Olivia was here, pregnant with his child, the result of the most perfect night of his life. Now that they were here, finally together, he knew he didn't want to be anywhere else.

But where would they go from here? Olivia couldn't leave Chicago in her condition. But he had his work in New York. He couldn't bear to be apart from her, especially since the baby had been in distress and she was on bed rest. How would she be able to take care of herself? Who would be there for her? Now that Elliot had finally admitted his feelings, now that he was finally in the position to be there for her, they were separated by hundreds of miles.

"Maybe we don't need to figure this out right now," Elliot said. "Maybe we just get you home from the hospital and decide what to do from there."

"El," Olivia said, shaking her head slightly. "We both know you can't leave New York."

"And we both know you belong there," he countered her, smiling.

She returned the smile, nearly making his heart stop. "You got me there." He took her hand and gave it a soft squeeze. "But my doctor's are here, my job is here…"

"No," Elliot shook his head. "Your job is in New York."

"Elliot," Olivia squeezed his hand in return. "We have to face the reality of the situation here. I have responsibilities in Chicago. I've got vics here, a partner-"

Elliot hated that. She had another partner; someone else had been looking out for her while he couldn't.

"Don't worry," Olivia said, recognizing his jealousy and doing her best to quell his anger. "I can't stand him."

Elliot laughed at this. "Good," he said simply.

"Well," she shrugged. "He's nothing compared to what I left in New York."

Unexpectedly, a blush hit Elliot's cheeks. Nothing like a beautiful woman to make him crumble.

"Did, um," Olivia started to ask him something. "Did you get another partner?"

"Several actually," he said. "I drove them all away… they weren't you."

Olivia grinned. Then, surprising Elliot, she leaned forward and touched her lips to his. It was the first time she'd kissed him. He'd always initiated, he'd always been the one to start it. It was an amazing feeling to know that she was acting of her own volition, she was kissing him because _she_ wanted to.

As she pulled away, they both smiled at each other. "We'll make it work, El," Olivia said. "We'll figure this out."

He nodded, trusting her implicitly. He always trusted her… with his life. And now, with his love.


	11. Chapter 11

**DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine. Just the story.**

_A/N: First of all, thanks for the reviews! :) Secondly, I received a note from a concerned reader who seemed frustrated that my story was rated T and not M. I do apologize to anyone who was taken aback by the mature scene in the second chapter. I'm pretty new to and am still learning the system here. I've attempted to change the rating to M and I hope it works... thanks for understanding everyone. Hope you enjoy the next chapter._**  
**

Elliot opened the door to Olivia's apartment and flipped on the light. It was different from her apartment in New York but still so uniquely Olivia. It was warm and inviting, but something was wrong… there was absolutely no evidence that she would become a mother in two months' time.

"Liv," Elliot turned toward the woman coming up behind him. He took her arm and helped her through the door.

"I know." She always had the innate capability to read his mind. She accepted the assistance gratefully and they made their way through the apartment, toward her bedroom. "I guess, despite the fact that I've been looking increasingly like I'm carrying a bowling ball under my shirt, I've been in denial about this whole thing."

She paused and Elliot smirked, helping her to lie back against the insane number of pillows on her bed.

"I guess I was hoping that you'd come and find me… since I was too chicken to call you."

Elliot smiled. "I'm here now…"

"And that's all that matters," Olivia finished his sentence and smiled at him.

"Can I get you anything?" If there was one thing he knew, it was how to take care of a pregnant woman.

"Maybe some tea?"

Elliot smiled. "Still drinking that stuff?"

"Yes," she laughed. It was a habit she'd been unable to shake since Oregon. It was a habit that Elliot found amusing. "Besides… caffeine is bad for pregnant women."

Elliot nodded and, shifting his weight to stand, his eyes fell to her nightstand. It shouldn't have surprised him, but somehow it did, and he paused. Olivia was reading _What to Expect When You're Expecting_. He picked it up. "You couldn't have been too in denial. A little light reading?"

She smiled. "I wanted to take care of myself… for your child."

"Our child," he corrected, giving her hand a small squeeze. "I'll go get your tea." He stood, handing the book to Olivia. As he left the room, he snuck a glance back at her. She was flipping to the chapter where she'd left off. He smiled, enjoying the blissful monotony of it all, the routine, the comfort they'd already found in each other. He made his way down the hallway toward the kitchen. While he put on water for tea, he searched Olivia's cabinets for coffee; she had a coffee maker, the grounds had to be somewhere.

"In the cabinet next to the fridge!" He heard her call from the bedroom. He smirked. She knew him too well. He opened the cabinet, revealing coffee, filters and what he took to be Olivia's favorite coffee mug. He grinned and set about making himself a desperately needed cup of coffee.

Finally, he made his way back to Olivia's bedroom with the two steaming cups of liquid. She smiled upon his entrance and set her book aside, accepting her mug with gratitude.

"So," she said as he took a seat on the bed next to her. "Catch any good cases these last seven months?"

"Not really," he said. Not that he could really remember anyway; the last seven months were a blur to him. The time he'd spent without Olivia was time he'd much rather forget than remember. "How about you?"

"Not lately," she said. "I've mostly been on desk duty." She gestured toward her stomach and Elliot laughed. "But when I first got here, there was a good one."

She told him a long story about a trafficking ring she'd broken up. A man selling women to rich guys as sex slaves. She'd gone undercover, a supplier she'd made a deal with brought her to the ringleader. She'd been "sold" within 24 hours and her team moved in, but not before he'd pulled a knife and held it to her neck. An excruciating five minutes later, the ringleader was dead and Olivia escaped with a long cut across her collarbone.

Olivia pulled her blouse just slightly to reveal a scar, four inches long, across her chest. Elliot's fingers reached up tentatively and traced it.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm sorry I wasn't here."

"El," she said, her eyes hazy. He could see that loved the feeling of his fingers on her skin so he kept them there. "You know we make an amazing team, but…" she paused. "I don't need you to protect me."

"I know that," he said. "Doesn't stop my instinct to do just that, though."

She smiled in acquiescence. "Ditto."

* * *

Olivia could not possibly describe her relief that Elliot's life had not been in serious danger in the months that she'd been gone. She didn't think she could take that. He was right when he talked about instinct. Olivia remembered the feeling she always got in her gut whenever the two of them would enter an apartment or a warehouse, guns drawn, pulses racing. She always thought about what she would do if things went wrong, if Elliot was some how hurt or… killed. She would jump in front of a bullet for him, this much she knew.

"So," she said, sipping her tea carefully. She knew they were beating around the bush, not talking about what was actually important. "How are the boys?"

"They're good," Elliot said. "Worried as hell about you and wishing you were there."

Olivia smiled sadly and stared into her cup of tea. "God," she said, looking up at the ceiling and blinking back tears. "I wish I'd never left."

"I wish that, too," Elliot said. "But we can't change what happened. We just have to move forward."

Olivia nodded. She knew the conversation they needed to have was finally beginning. "So, what do we do?"

"We have to figure this out... I'm just hoping it ends with…" Elliot cleared his throat. She knew he was trying to hide his emotions from her. Always the tough guy. "Us… together," he finally finished.

Olivia smiled at him. "I miss New York." It was her way of telling him that it would… without having to say it. She was still adjusting to their new relationship. Granted, it made her happier than she'd been in a long time. But it was… different. She wasn't used to being so open, so candid with Elliot. Or anyone for that matter. But she was going to try her damndest to be honest with him. He deserved nothing less.

"New York misses you," Elliot grinned at her. Oh what Olivia would do for a shot of whiskey right now… or a glass of wine. Something. That smile Elliot flashed her always leveled her, always made her knees weak.

"El," she laughed, trying to compose herself.

"Okay," he said, giving her his best 'getting-down-to-business' look. "The way I see it, we face two problems: you have to stay here until the baby is born. And I have to go back to New York."

"But…" Olivia hesitated, since she was about to admit something that went against the strong woman she'd tried to make herself into. "I… I want you here when the baby is born." She hated admitting weakness. And asking him to be there for her while she went through one of the scariest, most excruciating events she could go through as a woman made her feel weak, needy. "I mean… what if something goes wrong? What if… what if the baby needs you?"

"Don't talk like that, Liv," Elliot said softly. "It scares me." And yet it seemed as though he was easily able to admit his fears to her. She knew his weakness… her.

He took her hand and squeezed it. "Nothing is going to go wrong. And I _will_ be there for the birth of our child."

"How?" Olivia asked him honestly.

Elliot sighed, taking her other hand in his and turning slightly to face her fully. "I wish I could stay here with you these next eight weeks. I wish I could take care of you. But the reality of the situation is, I can't. I have to go back to New York. But I could come back… I could be here in a month, stay until the baby is born…"

Olivia sighed. Now that she had him here, she never wanted him to leave. It killed her to think of four weeks without him when she'd already endured what seemed like a lifetime. "I suppose we don't have any other choice," she said quietly. "And since I'm only on light bed rest, I'm not immobile or anything. It'll just be lonely… and really, really boring."

Elliot smiled at her and took her hand. Then, surprising the hell out of her, he leaned down and pressed his ear to her belly. She sighed contentedly and leaned her head back against the headboard, running her fingers gently through Elliot's short hair. It was utter bliss, being here with him this way. She couldn't imagine any other place she'd want to be. Her eyes closed and without even trying, she drifted off into a soft, peaceful sleep.

* * *

When Olivia woke later, the sky outside her windows had darkened and Elliot was nowhere to be found. She sat up carefully, slightly alarmed. He wouldn't leave so soon… and without a word. She listened and heard a soft voice coming from the hallway. He was on the phone, talking in hushed, serious tones to the person on the other end. He was obviously trying not to wake Olivia.

She strained to hear his side of the conversation and her heart stopped when she heard the word "Kathy."

He was talking to his wife… to his ex-wife. Of course, she needed to be told; this would affect her children. But Olivia was terrified that this turn of events would indeed confirm Kathy's fears about Olivia and Elliot's relationship. She would know… she would do the math and figure it out. And she would be angry as hell, especially since a child had resulted.

Things went quiet and Olivia could make out the sound of his footsteps, soft on the hardwood floors of her apartment. She saw his shadow in the doorframe and leaned over to click on the soft light on her nightstand. A warm glow filled the room and Elliot gave her a warm, but sad smile.

"I thought you might be up," he whispered, crossing the room, leaning down and giving Olivia the softest of kisses.

"Mmhmm," she replied, still a little sleepy but mostly curious. She wanted him to speak first.

"Did you… hear any of that conversation?" he asked her.

"A bit," she admitted. Elliot only nodded. "That was Kathy, then?"

He sighed and nodded again. Olivia waited for him to continue. She knew he would in his time.

"She's not happy," he finally spoke after a few moments. "She said she knew it all along. I tried to explain, but… she just wouldn't listen." He ran a hand down his face and Olivia could see the utter exhaustion in his eyes. "Then, all of a sudden, she stopped. She said that it didn't matter now; that it didn't change anything and that, even if this thing with you hadn't happened, a divorce would have eventually."

Olivia was surprised. Kathy wasn't normally this… rational. She could understand her being upset… they'd had an affair. It was wrong.

"Jesus, Liv, I thought she was going to take my kids from me."

Olivia took his hand and squeezed it. "But she didn't."

"No," Elliot said. "She didn't."

They didn't speak about it again. Olivia had a fleeting thought… one that she hadn't allowed herself before. Perhaps… things would be okay. Kathy had been a big hurdle and they'd gotten over it.

Maybe things would finally work out for her… Olivia could only begin to hope.


	12. Chapter 12

**DISCLAIMER: Olivia & Elliot aren't mine. Though I wish they were.**

_A/N: So sorry for the delay in updating! The fiance and I are all settled in the new apartment and things should be calming down soon. I hope you enjoy the next chapter! _**  
**

It was late. The sun had long since disappeared behind the Chicago skyline. And Elliot knew he should be sleeping. But he didn't want to close his eyes. He was afraid this was all a dream… that the past twelve hours hadn't happened at all, that he wasn't really here, that _Olivia_ wasn't really here.

But she _was_ here, resting in his arms. Finally. The swell of her belly was actually a result of their perfect night together. She actually did love him. They were actually a family, just as they always should have been.

He looked down at her sleeping form and smiled. She was curled up against his chest, her arm thrown across his stomach, a pillow between her knees. He felt happy, lighter somehow. There was still a lot to figure out. But he had Olivia. And he had their child. And right now, that was all that mattered.

He felt her stir slightly beside him and his fingers automatically reached up and stroked her hair. This was good. Life was good. Finally. _Finally_.

Olivia stirred again and moaned slightly. Then suddenly, she gasped and bolted upright. "El," she said breathlessly. She was clutching her belly.

Then, Elliot felt something warm and wet against his leg. He moved the blanket that was draped over Olivia and saw the pillow, soaked in blood.

"Jesus," Elliot breathed and looked up into Olivia's eyes. She was pale, her face was twisted in pain. "Liv." He took her face in his hands.

"Hospital," was the only word she could manage.

Elliot didn't know what to do. He wasn't sure they could wait for an ambulance, but he didn't know the way to the hospital. He looked to the nightstand and snatched her cell phone up, dialing 911. He heard a voice on the other end and, while he thought it would bring him some relief, there was nothing. He spoke frantically.

"My partner, she's seven months pregnant and she's bleeding. Badly. I need a bus. Now."

_Partner_... that word had so many connotations now...

"Are you law enforcement, sir?" It took him a second to figure out why the hell she was asking him that. This was an emergency, after all. Then he realized, he'd said "bus." Jargon, a term used by cops everywhere.

"I'm a detective from New York City," he tried to keep his cool. Olivia was dying next to him, growing more pale by the second. "Please, I need an ambulance."

He gave the dispatcher Olivia's address and followed her instructions, checking between Olivia's legs to see if she was still bleeding.

"Yes," he said. "Oh God, she's still bleeding." He looked up at Olivia, who was lying there, as limp as a rag doll. He grabbed the blanket from her bed and placed it between her legs, as if it were a wound and applying pressure would stop it. He didn't think it worked that way, in this case, but it was the only thing he could think to do.

"Is she conscious?"

Elliot wiped his bloody hands on his jeans and quickly made his way around the bed. He took Olivia's face gently in his hands. "Barely," he whispered, checking her heartbeat in her neck. "Her pulse is thready, but there."

"Okay." The dispatched could hear the desperation in his voice. "You're okay, sir. You're doing fine. Help is on the way."

Elliot looked down at Olivia's ashen face and stroked his thumb across her cheek, leaving a bloody smear in its wake. "Olivia," he whispered. "Stay with me, Olivia. Don't do this to me now."

Olivia's eyes fluttered open then, just barely. "El," her voice could hardly be heard over the pounding of his heart. "Our baby…"

"You're going to be just fine," Elliot reassured both her and himself. He wasn't about to lose her now… as he'd told her once before, he couldn't take it.

There was a moment then of calm, of peace. And in that moment, Elliot heard the sirens. "They're here," he said, jumping up and going to the window. Elliot ran to the front door and buzzed them in to Olivia's building. He wasn't about to leave her to go get them. Within moments, three men rushed into the apartment and Elliot directed them back toward Olivia's bedroom.

"Her name is Detective Olivia Benson, I'm her partner from New York City," Elliot gave them the back story as they quickly made their way down the hallway. "She's about 29 weeks along and was recently put on bed rest to alleviate pre-term labor." He surprised himself at his composure; inside, with every passing second, he was losing control. "She was sleeping and was suddenly woken by intense pain and bleeding. She barely has a pulse and the bleeding is steady."

"Okay," one of the paramedics put a reassuring hand on his shoulder. "We'll take it from here, thank you."

"Wait," Elliot said, grabbing the EMT's arm. "I… I'm also the baby's father."

"I understand," he responded. "We'll take care of both of them. But you have to let me do my job now."

It was clear to Elliot that this man dealt with frantic people like him all the time. He was slightly placating, but Elliot couldn't care at that point. All he cared about was that Olivia and their child were both in danger… and there wasn't a damn thing he could do about it.

* * *

Olivia had the vague sensation of rocking… she heard voices but the seemed so far away. She wanted to tell them to be quiet; she was trying to rest, just like the doctor ordered her to do. She had to take care of her child… of Elliot's child.

A memory suddenly flashed over her… she remembered gasping and saying his name, she remembered the warm, sticky feeling between her legs, she remembered the pain.

The peaceful feeling vanished. Oh God… what was happening to her? She fought against the foggy feeling in her head; she knew it was sleep, pressing down on her, keeping her under its control. She had to wake up, she had to get back to where Elliot was, she had to know that they were going to be okay.

She knew then that she had been foolish to think that things would work out for her so easily. She should have known better. Olivia didn't get fairy tale endings. Ever.

_Fuck this_, she thought. She forced her way back to consciousness and said his name.

* * *

"Elliot…" the whisper was so soft he barely heard it over the noise of the monitors, the paramedics, the ambulance. But he looked down and there she was, her coffee-colored eyes looking up at him, half-lidded and full of pain.

"Olivia," he whispered back and took her hand.

They said no more, just held each other that way, with their hands, with their eyes. Elliot found solace there, just as he always did. Olivia kept him balanced, she always would. He would make damn sure of it.

He heard a paramedic get on the radio and alert the nearest hospital of their impending arrival. As the man spoke, Elliot heard the words "placental abruption" and knew he should ask what they meant, but he couldn't tear his eyes away from Olivia. He couldn't let her go.

She was so pale, so cold. He couldn't think of her that way; he forced himself to remember her warmth, both bodily and in spirit. He remembered her smile and how he always felt it in his toes; he remembered her comforting hands on his back; he remembered how warm she was in her core, how perfect she felt wrapped around him, how perfect he fit there.

He felt the ambulance slow and then halt altogether.

It was time.

* * *

The gentle rocking sensation was gone… as was Elliot. Olivia felt jostled, uneasy. "Elliot…" she said with as much strength as she could muster. And there he was, hovering over her, clutching her hand again.

"I'm here, Liv," she heard him say. "I'm here."

"What's… going on?" she was starting to feel sleepy again, but fought against it. She would fight anything that came her way, just to have another moment with him.

"You're at the hospital," he told her. "They're going to take care of you. And the baby."

"Our baby…" she whispered to him.

"I love you, Olivia," he said. She smiled.

And he was gone.

* * *

Elliot watched them wheel Olivia away from him, into a room where he couldn't go. A hand on his arm suggested to him that he should stay out of the way, let the doctor's do their job.

The pain in his chest swelled, filled his lungs, spilled from his eyes. He buried his head in his hands, crashed down into a chair and began to sob.


	13. Chapter 13

**DISCLAIMER: Characters aren't mine. Just the story.**

_A/N: So sorry for the delay in posting the next installment. It's amazing how life... it all happens at one freaking time. :) I hope you enjoy Chapter 13!_**  
**

* * *

All Olivia could feel was pain. Her belly twisted and pulled. In moments of lucidity, her cop instinct kicked it. She knew she was losing blood… a lot of it. But she lacked the strength and clarity to stop it. No sooner did she identify what was happening then she slipped back into a state of unconsciousness. The faces above her were blurry, the lights were bright, the smell was sterile, clean. She felt pressure in her lower abdomen and it was uncomfortable. She wanted it to stop.

She felt herself slipping away again. It was agonizing.

Suddenly, things were very clear to her. Her child. Her child was in danger. She always knew her maternal instinct would be strong, but she had no idea it would be strong enough to bring her back to consciousness when everything that was happening to her physically should have prevented her from doing so.

"My baby," she said strongly, opening her eyes and reaching out. Her hand found the arm of someone, a doctor or a nurse who was obviously caught by surprise. "Please…" Olivia whispered harshly.

"We're doing everything we can." It was a woman's voice. She squeezed Olivia's hand just once and kept moving. Olivia looked up, stared into the bright lights, trying to make something hurt worse than the pain that was surging through her belly.

She thought of Elliot. She always thought of Elliot. He would want her to focus, to be brave. He saw the strength in her even when she couldn't see it in herself. She wondered where he was and wished he was with her.

* * *

Elliot sat in the hallway of the hospital room, his head in his hands, his elbows on his knees. He didn't have the strength or the desire to sit up straight and the only time he looked up was when someone came through those doors… those horrible doors that separated him from Olivia, from all the pain he was sure she was going through.

Elliot was a doer, a problem-solver. It wasn't in his nature to sit still and wait for things to happen; he needed to be moving, he needed to make things right. It was a personality trait he knew Olivia sometimes despised. His lack of patience, his need to fix things. But she was the same way sometimes, this he knew. He thought it was one of the reasons she became a cop… she couldn't fix her own life so she devoted herself to trying to fix others' lives. So when she was confronted with a woman who'd been beaten and raped, a child who'd been molested, a home that had been broken, her compassion and her desire to make it right overtook her and she became the woman she was supposed to be.

But Elliot saw her as that woman all the time. He'd just never told her.

Oh God, the things he would tell her if he could… about how he'd wasted so many years trying to make it work with Kathy when his desire for a life with Olivia coursed through his veins like hot oil; about how he found her ability to beat a perp senseless was a turn-on to him; about how her ability to keep herself from beating a perp senseless was an even bigger turn-on; about how she was the best damn cop he knew… and the best person. He would tell her he was lucky to have her as a partner and as a friend. He would tell her he was sorry for all the times he was awful to her and how, those times when he was at his worst, he'd only wished they could hold each other. He would tell her that he loved her.

But Olivia wasn't here now. Even if she was, Elliot didn't think he'd have the courage to tell her. He was such a coward sometimes.

* * *

Olivia was sweating. She wanted to ask someone to turn the heat down. Or at least give her a towel. Her head lolled to the left and she opened her mouth to say the words when someone else spoke.

"Doctor, I think we're going to have to deliver. I can't stop the bleeding. It's our best chance to save her."

The words turned her to ice. She felt clammy, cold… scared.

Deliver? They couldn't deliver. She wasn't far enough along yet. Her baby… her baby… her baby…

"Someone should go tell the father."

Elliot… oh Elliot… Elliot…

* * *

"Mr. Stabler?"

The voice shocked Elliot back to reality. The one time the doors had opened and he hadn't looked up…

"Yes?" he shot out of his seat faster than he would have thought possible.

"Mr. Stabler, we've had to deliver your child."

Elliot thought he was going to be sick.

"We've delivered him via cesarean section and we're going to transfer him up to NICU now."

"Him? It's a boy?" Elliot looked at the doctor with tears in his eyes.

"Yes, sir," the doctor smiled sadly. "It's a boy. He is premature and not fully developed. He'll have long stays in the NICU, but we're optimistic."

Elliot breathed a small sigh of relief. "A-and… Olivia?"

The doctor paused. "We're trying to stop the bleeding now." Elliot got the feeling he was being intentionally reticent.

"What does that mean? Is she going to survive this?" Elliot started to feel the panic rise. He just got her… he couldn't lose her now.

The doctor put a hand on Elliot's shoulder. "We're doing everything we can."

"Oh God…" Elliot's knees began to wobble and some instinct took over, guiding him to a nearby chair before he crashed to the ground. "Oh God…"

"Do you want to see your son?" the doctor asked him quietly.

"My son…" Elliot whispered. "No… no, not yet. I need to be close to her."

The doctor nodded just once and turned to go back down the hallway.

"Hey Doc," Elliot called. The doctor turned and looked at him wordlessly. "She… she… she's my…"

"I know, son," the doctor nodded solemnly. "I know." Then he was gone.

* * *

Elliot made his way down the hallway, slowly. He didn't think he could see her like this. He wasn't sure he could take it.

Their one night together had put her here. She'd endured the long road by herself and now she was…

He paused at the doorway and took a breath. He wiped the tears from his cheeks and turned the corner into the room.

She was so pale, so frail, so fragile. She was covered in a thin, white sheet and Elliot's first thought was _She must be so cold_.

He crossed the room toward where she lay and took her soft hand. He leaned down and kissed her forehead so gently, as if he was afraid to wake her.

"Olivia," Elliot said her name. This time, it was a prayer.

He stayed by her side, the heart monitor beeped softly behind him.

* * *

She didn't know how she knew he was there. It was as if she could just sense his presence. She always thought they'd had a sixth sense when it came to each other… now she knew she was right.

She felt his hand in hers, his lips on her skin, she heard his voice, his soft voice. He sounded on the edge of tears. Olivia wanted so badly to tell him she wasn't far away. She had to muster the strength. But she was afraid she'd used it all up. She was just so tired, she wanted to sleep forever.

"Olivia," he said again. The distance between her and the sound of his voice was so vast, as if they were separated by entire continents and talking through a tin can phone.

"We have a son," she heard him say. "I… I haven't seen him yet. They say he's healthy, but underdeveloped. But still, the doctor's are confident about his chances." Olivia heard Elliot pause and felt him squeeze her hand gently. "He… he needs you, Olivia. We both do. So come back, okay? Come back to us, come back to your family."

Her family. That was all she needed. She found the strength she was looking for.

* * *

"El…"

The faint whisper of his name caught his attention in a heartbeat.

"Liv?" He couldn't help the tears that overwhelmed him and spilled down his cheeks. "Olivia." He touched her hair, her face, as if he was afraid she wasn't real.

"Elliot." She was weak but somehow, she lifted her hand and touched his face. She smiled.

"Olivia." He pressed her hand to his face, feeling her palm against his cheek. He turned and kissed that palm, that beautiful hand. "Olivia."

She smiled at him and he thought that he'd better say something besides her name or she'd think he was a jackass.

He said the only thing he could come up with. The only thing that mattered.

"I love you."


	14. Chapter 14

**DISCLAIMER: Characters are not mine. Though I wish they were. **

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews everyone. I really appreciate them, more than I can say. Please enjoy the **final** chapter!_**  
**

Elliot watched her eyes close softly at his words. She smiled ever-so-slightly.

"A son?" she whispered weakly, her lovely eyes opening and finding his immediately.

Elliot smiled as more tears spilled down his cheeks. "Yes, Olivia," he said, softly touching her hair. "A son."

"He's… he's…" She couldn't form the words. Wordlessly, he told her that he understood everything she was trying to say, that he was asking the same questions.

"I don't know, Liv," he said, looking down as she intertwined their fingers. He smiled, her touch soothing him, calming him, bringing him back to where he was supposed to be. They were okay. They had to be okay.

"I… I want to see him," Olivia said, tears filling her eyes. "I need to see him. Elliot." She squeezed her eyes shut, as if in pain.

"Liv? Are you hurting?" He stood and made to go get the doctor.

"No, no," she kept hold of his hand, not wanting him to leave her. "I'm fine, but… our son…"

Elliot could tell she was confused, that she was hurting, that she was desperate to see their child. He placed a soft hand on her collarbone and hushed her soothingly. "Olivia… you lost a lot of blood. It's what they call a placental abruption. It's when the placenta-"

"I know what it is, El," she said softly, closing her eyes. Her words weren't mean, but laced with anxiety and fear.

Elliot nodded. "They had to deliver. It was going to kill you and the baby… it was the only way."

Olivia nodded as the tears began pouring down her cheeks. "Elliot… I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

"Why, Liv?" Elliot brushed the tears away with his thumb. He'd seen her cry so much recently. First when Calvin was taken from her, then yesterday when they'd argued and said hateful things to each other. Now, these tears were the worst of it. Elliot made a silent vow to himself right there that she would never cry again.

* * *

Olivia tried to calm herself, she tried. But she was in so much pain and she just wanted to see her son. She felt so guilty that she was too weak to carry Elliot's child to term. And she was angry with the world, because just when it seemed she would get everything she ever wanted, something would happen and it would be gone in an instant.

"I couldn't… I couldn't…" Olivia took a breath and swallowed. The tears just kept coming. "I couldn't give you a healthy child."

"Oh God, Liv, no…" Elliot shook his head and wiped the tears from his eyes.

"Kathy… she gave you five beautiful children. My one chance… my only chance… and I couldn't do it."

She could see that Elliot had no words to calm her despair. All he could do was touch her cheek.

"Elliot, please," she squeezed his hand as hard as she could. "I need to see him…"

"Liv… I—I don't think you can." She could tell that Elliot hated to say the words. "You need to rest."

"Dammit, Elliot, I want to see my son!" It took all her strength to say the words and mean them.

"I know you do, but you can't, Olivia." Leave it to Elliot to always give it to her straight. He said the words firmly and it hurt her. She saw his face soften. "I want to see him, too, Liv…"

"Wait," Olivia stopped him before he could go any further. "You haven't seen him yet?"

"No," Elliot shook his head. His voice was barely above a whisper. "I couldn't leave you."

"Oh, El," Olivia ran her fingers over the back of his hand.

"I waited so long for you… And I lost you once. I couldn't bear to lose you again."

The words were the most beautiful words that had ever been strung together. For the first time in her life, Olivia felt whole. And she felt Elliot's pain. She couldn't imagine what the last several hours had been like for him.

"I'm so sorry, Elliot," Olivia said, touching his cheek and loving the feel of his skin under her hand. "Are you okay?"

Elliot laughed out loud.

* * *

Olivia was the most incredible woman he'd ever known. Here she was, laid up in a hospital bed after nearly having her uterus ripped in two, giving birth to his son and nearly dying from it… and she was asking him if _he _was okay.

"Olivia…" he smiled genuinely into her eyes. He could see her light up when he did so. He'd never had this effect on a woman before, seeing her face brighten when he was near. It felt damn good. It felt even more damn good that this woman was Olivia.

"I… I love you, Elliot," she said softly, never breaking eye contact with him. He knew the strength it took for her to say that. Olivia had trouble with love, it had forsaken her so many times in the past.

"I love you, too, Liv." He said the words reassuringly. He wasn't going anywhere.

At that moment, they were contented just to be with each other. Having gone through so much in the past… hell, in the past 7 months, they enjoyed the peaceful bliss of being in one another's company.

Peaceful bliss, however, was short lived, as a nurse chose that moment to check Olivia's vital signs. Upon realizing her patient was awake, the nurse immediately called for a doctor. Elliot felt the whirlwind rise up again and fought against the anxiety building in his chest. Olivia was okay, she was here, she was conscious, she was speaking with the doctor. He had no reason to worry… except that's what they told him when they released her yesterday.

Huang told him once that the fact that he cared so much made him a good partner. He hoped that also applied to being a life partner. Because he planned to spend the rest of his days with this glorious woman before him. He had loved her for so many years, despite his marriage and despite the fact that Olivia could infuriate him like no other. He loved her. He respected her. And he wanted to tell her everyday how much she meant to him.

For the moment, he just nodded and listened to the doctor tell her about her condition and her recovery.

It was when the doctor began speaking of their baby that all other thoughts were forced out of Elliot's head. He had to be present for this.

* * *

Olivia saw Elliot come to attention as soon as the words "Now, your son," left the doctor's mouth. Olivia felt him take her hand and sit up a little straighter in his chair. Oh how she loved this man.

"Your son is in the NICU and he's doing as well as can be expected. Babies born at 29 weeks have their fair share of problems and we'll be keeping him for several weeks until he grows stronger and develops more." The doctor went on and one about procedures and hospital stays, but all Olivia could think about was getting to him, was seeing her child for the first time.

Elliot, reading her thoughts, interrupted politely. "Excuse me, doc," he said, holding up one hand. "Olivia would like to see our son. When can she do that?"

"Well, right now, she's not strong enough to sit up for very long. In order to perform the C-section, we had to cut through the muscles in her stomach. Give it a couple of days."

"I'm sorry," Olivia finally spoke up. "That's not good enough. I need to see my son." She caught the doctor's eyes and pleaded with him. "Please… he's my… he's my first child."

The doctor looked at her for a moment and nodded slightly, acquiescing to her request, no, her demand. "Let me see what I can do."

Moments later, a team of nurses came in and lifted the rails on Olivia's bed. "Come along, Ms. Benson," a friendly nurse smiled down upon her. "Let's go see your little boy."

Olivia smiled and reached out to take Elliot's hand. "Elliot," she craned her neck back to find him.

"I'm here, love," he said, stepping up and cradling her outstretched hand in his own. "Let's go see our son."

* * *

The nurses wheeled Olivia's gurney down the hallway to a bank of elevators, taking them both up to the NICU. As they drew closer to the large windows in the nursery, Elliot saw they had cleared a space for the bed to roll through. As they drew closer to the cradle, Elliot's heart began to race. His son… his son was small, was weak, was frail… and he couldn't do a damn thing.

Elliot watched from a small distance as Olivia's gurney was parked next to the incubator that held their child. He was so small; he had a tube up his little nose and a series of monitoring pads across his torso. Elliot felt his heart clench in his chest. He wasn't sure he could do this.

And then, Olivia, reclining side by side with their son, reached her hand out and through one of the holes in the incubator. She touched the baby's tiny hand with her finger and Elliot saw his child's head turn slightly at her touch. "Hello." He heard her whisper so softly. "Hello, my sweet boy."

Elliot's heart unclenched itself and began to swell. Swell with pride, swell with love, swell with unmistakable joy.

"Elliot," Olivia whispered, not tearing her eyes from the little boy. Elliot moved to the other side of the incubator and slowly, slowly reached one of his hands through. He made contact. And was filled with hope.

"What are you going to name him, honey?" One of the nurses crouched by Olivia's head and spoke so softly Elliot barely heard her.

"Benson," Olivia spoke. "Benson Elliot Stabler."

Elliot's eyes darted to Olivia's face and immediately filled with tears. "Ben," he said, trying to keep his composure. "I like it."

Olivia grinned and his world exploded. "I like it, too."

He smiled at her and through the clear glass, he could see her mouth three words: "I love you."

And Elliot knew that all he ever needed was right there, in those words, in her face, in her touch.

And as he felt himself coming home for the final time, he whispered to her, "I love you back."

**FIN.**


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